April's gone.

I couldn't help but notice how short my last few blog posts have been. It obviously has plenty to do with the fact that nothing 'major' is going on in my life right now. Everyone seems to have a summer job or internship and I can't find one that I like. Actually, I haven't tried hard enough because seems like it isn't impossible :P But it's still great, because I am feeling nice (internship or no internship!) .. I have been thinking plenty about the future and not just the immediate future. I have managed to do a decent bit of shopping in the last ten days :P I am also close to broke now. (.. still waiting on that cheque!)

I was disappointed more than once this week though. Twice actually. Two different people. The second person I don't even care much about. The first one, well let's just say it's a let down to see someone you know who is capable of being so much more, be a total ass and waste it. It's a shame really. However, I am really proud of myself for not letting any of this get to me for more than five seconds.

I haven't watched any new movies lately! Actually none since the last two weeks (say whaaaa!) .. Reason? I have been watching One Tree Hill. I blame Karishma for getting me hooked on to it =P I really like it so far. I am almost done with the third season (three more to go!) Although there's this one thing I need to always remember about teen drama to keep myself sane (more about that some other time!)

I never spoke about my results (or did I? I don't know!) .. I got 63%, exactly like last time. It's ridiculous that my aggregate for both semesters has been the same! Anyway, I don't know whether to be happy or sad about the results. Although I am relived that I passed =P I got what I deserved though, I didn't study for more than this. I want to change that the next time. Plus, I hear the third semester has the best subjects :) Hmm. When I went to college to collect my marksheet I felt college was different somehow. Things have changed, something has changed for sure .. and I don't just mean the crazy construction work on the first floor. I just felt different :/ I didn't get to see too many people though. I'll probably see them on Monday anyway :)

I think that's about it for now. See you stalkers later ♥
P.S. I like this new layout, especially the colours. Do you?

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I don't know what to name it.

On that crazy evening, I lost every bit of respect I ever had for you. So much so that, using 'respect' and 'you' in the same sentence sounds terribly wrong. You are just like any other guy. I can't imagine how I thought you were so much more. I realize I have been foolish all these years. I was right about you, just the first time - you know how to say the right thing - it's the reason you always get what you want. It's incredible how manipulation has worked for you all this while. But get this - that evening, even though you thought otherwise - you finally set me free.

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Update

You won't believe the number of times I have changed the layout today -.- I can't find anything I like so this one stays till I can find something decent. I am tired but not sleepy. Imma crash anyway. Bye!

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Think.

First they put away the dealers,
Keep our kids safe and off the street.
Then they put away the prostitutes,
Keep married men cloistered at home.

Then they shooed away the bums,
Then they beat and bashed the queers,
Turned away asylum-seekers,
Fed us suspicions and fears.

We didn't raise our voice,
We didn't make a fuss.
It's funny there was no one left to notice
When they came for us.

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Gah!

I feel like such an ass. Just thought I'd mention that. I want this post to remind me of how stupid I was yesterday and how I shall not repeat my mistakes.

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Three Things I Would Do If I Were CM

I am going to keep this short and simple.

1. Legalise Homosexuality
2. Cancel Reservations
3. Legalise Drugs

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;)

Incredible day. Feet hurt. Sunny weather. Breezy beaches. Chicken! Contemplation. Tattoos. Decent shopping! Catching up. Laughter. Two inches tall tea. Exhaustion. Emotional detachment. More catching up. Shock therapy. Confusion. Home. Cosy. Good night's sleep (hopefully!)

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Wanna get high?

If marijuana were legal, what do you think would be the biggest resulting problem or the biggest resulting benefit?
[x] more pot-related DUIs
[_] increases in other drug use
[x] increases in tax revenue
[_] more boring conversations
[_] a snack industry boom
[_] other

Honestly, DUI can be controlled with strict laws and a decent police squad. A country should feel upto it (probably not India). Anyway, I think pot should be legalised because not only will we have an economic boom, there would also be a fall in crime rates.

I'd love to hear an argument :)

P.S. - I don't propagate legalising drugs because I am a drug junkie of some sort. Just wanted to clear that up, in case that's your sad level of mental assessment.

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Where can I find the Sleep Fairy?

Blaaaaaaaaah!
I can't sleep since the last few days.
Some thought or another always pops into my head.
And I start contemplating.. what if what if what if.
I can't stop thinking.
I can't stop day-dreaming.
I am always caught up in a reverie of some sort.
This all sounds so sappy.
Truth is, I am not sure why I am feeling this way.
I am probably just a little too bored.
Anyway, coming back to the problem - I can't sleep D:
Why not? ¬_¬
I am exhausted from working out everyday.
The least I can expect is to doze off as soon as I hit the bed.
But NOOOO! =@
I'd usually sip a cup of hot milk but heck, isn't it hot already? D:
Blergh!

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Sunday

I was quite bored today. I finished watching OTH, just the first season of course. I want to get out of the house tomorrow, so I can come home and whine about the sun :) Squash squashed me today. I couldn't breathe after 30 minutes of playing >.< It's mostly because I wasn't playing solo and my coach makes me run like ALL over the place :o I shouldn't be complaining though, I need that.

I wonder if I can keep going to the gym till June. Hmm. I feel incredibly guilty if I don't go for a day, I feel incredibly lazy to go, so I don't really know what might happen :P

It's less than six days before we get our results and all that. I am scared.. there's always a possibility of that dreaded KT. It's going to spoil the rest of my vacation. I just really hope to reason that Psycho woman didn't have a bad day when she corrected my paper. I want it to be 25th already so I can know what happens! Anxiety kills me :(

I need to shop. Not only to kill time, but I feel like I have NO clothes at all ! I need 'in-between' clothes because old clothes don't fit, semi-old clothes hang loose. Life's weird.

BTW - Roadies today was SUPER! ♥ I love the twists. I love Raghu's insults. I love the drama. I loved this season. Every episode was unexpected, every single time. I like that, which is why Roadies has the honour of being the only reason I switch on my television :P I can't wait for the last episode. I am rooting for Kiri. I am not particularly fond of him but the other two are dumbfucks :x

Anyway, it's 10.30. I am sleepy and I am positive I am going to wake up with a horrible backache tomorrow. So, until next time » ♥

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72 Common Fears

If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 11-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.

I fear ...

[ ] black people
[ ] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[x] closed spaces
[x] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
Total so far: 2

[ ] being touched
[x] fire
[x] deep water
[x] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[ ] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[ ] snow
Total so far: 5

[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[ ] being robbed/mugged
[x] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors
[ ] tornadoes

Total so far: 6

[ ] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[x] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[ ] becoming blind
[ ] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up, old

Total so far: 8

[x] creepy noises in the night
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood

Total: 10

“I'm afraid of closed spaces, heights, fire, deep water, snakes, falling, incurable diseases, even numbers, creepy noises in the night and not accomplishing my dreams/goals out of 72 common fears." I doubt that classifies me as fearless, but let's go with that :P

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I love this..

"Christianity is the belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie -- that is His own father -- can make you live forever if you symbolically eat His flesh and telepathically tell Him you accept Him as your master, so He can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in all humanity because a rib-woman was convinced to eat from a magical tree by an infinitely sadistic being disguised as a talking snake with legs."

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;D

I started watching One Tree Hill today. Season One took ages to download but now that I finally have it, I am not so bored any more. What I like is that there are at least six seasons which means I am not going to be bored any time soon. And when I finally catch up with the on-going season, I will have another show to follow..

Anywaaaay, I watched five episodes. You know what's incredible? In episode two, Jake gives Lucas a copy of Atlas Shrugged ♥ I loved that.

In other news, I had a little more stamina in the gym than the last few days, I ate my first mango of the season and I learnt how to play Squash solo without tripping over my untied shoe laces which BTW, happens a lot.

I am exhausted but I like it ;D

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Sugar and Spice

This whole weight loss thing is such a slut D: Every other minute I am tempted with something mouth-watering. My Mum just made mango-shake @.@ Like it wasn't bad enough that my weight hasn't been budging since what seems like forever :S I have hit what is aptly called the 'plateau' .. oh please can I move on already?

And because it's summer, I am somehow too low on energy to even sustain an hour of workout. Where do I get energy from if I can't eat scrumptious calorific meals? And how do I not gain weight if I do? And if I workout + eat what I want .. I will just break-even. You know, where gain equals loss. Gah! This is harder than any of those ads in Mumbai Mirror make it look like.

Yeah, let's move past that?

I spoke to a friend after 18 months today. It felt good. It's amazing how you speak to someone after really long and they remind you of what you used to be. For some reason it makes you look at things a lot more clearly. I see how I have changed so much since 2007 and so far, I really like it.

Today was fun too ♥ Maybe I'll survive the summer after all? (:

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Skeletons

It's always difficult for me to acknowledge my weaknesses, but this is supposed to help.. so here's a list of 5 things I want to improve about myself:

1. I can't put things that I want to say or feel into words when I speak. I can write, sure.. but I can never formulate my thoughts and get them across the way I want to when I speak. I am not sure if I do this because I am lazy or because I think the effort would be a waste on the person I am speaking to. I want to work on this, except I am not sure of how to go about it.
2. I can't have long lasting friendships. I always have these 'temporary' friends and friendships that do mean something - I always throw them around. I never realise I have lost a friend till months after. All friendships seem to start on a really good note but eventually all the negatives outweigh positives. I am such a cynic. But then again, is it so hard to find someone with a little bit of intellect? I want to be a better friend, I want better friends. I want friends like Lily, Ted, Marshal, Barney and Robin.
   
3. I have already mentioned this one a gazillion times before but I really want to fit into my old clothes more than anything else at this point.
4. I need to work a little more on being emotionally independent. I can't let my mood swings run my life. I am eternally grateful to several past experiences that I am not AS much of a mood-swinger as I used to be. But yeah, I want to be in control a little more :) One bad day shouldn't have the power to ruin my whole week.
5. I want to read more, a lot more. Books are like relationships to me. When I read one, I am completely immersed in its ideas and philosophy for months and I can't pick up another book for those many months. I love to read but I am not the kind who is always reading. Now I think I need to increase the frequency. I want to read books that conflict with my personal beliefs without being put off. I want to know what else is out there (a book by Barack Obama should be fun to pick up :P) .. It could take a while, but I want to do that.

Hmm, yeah. I need answers to #1 and #2. #3 and #4 I am working on. #5 will happen soon enough. Oh btw, fellow bloggers.. I'd love to read your posts on the same topic ;)

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I want June.

I miss college. I do. It's weird because I waited for so long for exams to get over and summer to finally start, you know? But now I find myself in the middle of this scorching month with absolutely no clue about what I want to do till mid-June.

I can't wait for SYBMM to start. I hear the subjects are going to be amazing, it's going to raaaain ALL the time ♥ and there will be plenty of college fests, new projects, new teachers.. and new faces too :) I will (hopefully) be feeling better about myself then, than I have been lately.

I woke up at noon today. I stared at the wall-clock 15 seonds too long after I did.. I never wake up so late, but it wasn't that bad you know? I had a good sleep, and I had a really nice phone conversation before that :)

I hope the days leading upto June become easier now. I'd like that.

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Tick Tock

I feel like a ticking bomb.
Like I am waiting for something bad to happen.
As if I am counting down to my doom.
I don't know if this "feeling" tags along with what happened..
Or, if it's just me being dramatic.

I don't know what I am doing.
I know this can't end well.
I can't even fathom an alternate universe of some sort where a thing like this ends well.

As per Sigmund Freud,
I am letting my ID take over every decision that I make.
I am indulging, I am not thinking.
& I really don't want to deal with the aftermath of this whole thing.

Then again, maybe I am freaking out a little too much?
Maybe it will be alright this time?
I am definitely not the person I was three years ago.
But it isn't the worst thing in the world to be a little cautious.

If I think a little, if I understand the cause of my behaviour..
Maybe I would be able to know what I am going to feel like when this ends.
So why am I doing this?
a. Because it seemed liked the thing to do.
b. Because I wanted to.
c. Because it was fun.

Three causes. Nothing emotional.
I don't want this to be emotional.
And it definitely hasn't been emotional till now.

Then why am I worried? Sigh.
I am thinking too much. I should just let it be. Go with it.

Turn a deaf ear to the ticking of this imaginary bomb in my head.
Or maybe I should get off this thing and hitch another ride?
Because if this doesn't mean anything.. then I can switch, right?

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Things I Will Miss About KC This Summer

1. Waking up at 6 AM to be on time for Suzy's 8.40 am lectures.
2. Reaching at 8.20 am but wasting time at Javed's till 9.00 am anyway.
3. Javed's! (oh come on, like you didn't see that coming).
   
4. Not knowing who the Marketing professor is two months into the new semester.
5. Chineeeeeeese @ H.R.
6. Nandini Sardesi's feminist speeches that made the guys squirm.
   
7. Being blinded by ridiculous shades of blue, yellow and pink *cough*..
8. Yummy gossip with Sanskruti, Karishma and Pari !
   
9. .. AND hoping that meetings were on the 1st so we could get Gelato for 9 bucks xD
10. Missing Shivam's ECS presentation, then hearing about it for the next one week.
11. Not being the oldest person in class (thank you Smaran :P)
12. Being a FY student /:
    
13. Smiling back at people, whose names I don't remember.
14. Being made to watch random Iranian movies.
15. Making fun of people who are pissed off because they aren't in BMM.
16. Ranting about how we don't have another college trip.
17. Mr. Chicken Legs
18. Crazy fucked up songs sung by the TY on the train to Delhi.
19. Disappearing the very moment anyone said "Guest Lectures"..
20. Praying that KC canteen would magically have chicken on the menu.
    

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Boo !

It's been forever since I blogged.
Possibly the longest time I have gone without it?
I promise to bore you with my nonsense from tomorrow onwards :D
You see, exams finish tomorrow =) !

I am excited because there's /so/ much I want to do.
I am getting closer to the goals I have set for myself..
& it's making me happy :D

I am worried about tomorrow's exam though.
I haven't been able to study properly.
I am forgetting everything inspite of revising over and over /:
I don't want one bad exam to ruin my summer :@
Yeah, the rest have been pretty decent :)
Exams were easy this semester, even though subjects were crap.

Hmm, I have been watching movies regardless of exams =P
But I still have over a dozen waiting to be watched in my downloads folder
(more on that later..)
GossipGirl is shocking me with every new episode o_O
Like it wasn't big enough that Nate and Blair are back, now CHUCK & VANESSA?
I am shocked /:
Why can't Blair & Chuck just be together? D:
They belong and all that :S
(I know I sound like an idiot)..

All my shows will be over by May at most? I need to find new shows to catch up on.
I am thinking Grey's Anatomy, One Tree Hill and House M.D.

So yeah, I have to go now.
Try and study, hopefully I'll retain 1/3 of what I have studied and pass.
See you
♥

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