As expected.. my day has been usual (as you can see from the fact that I am coolly blogging at 09.00 PM on New Year's Eve). It's not even half as depressing as you might think it is. It's all right, I guess. I don't feel the dire need to celebrate the end of the year.
But that's beside the point. I wanted to blog about what 2008 means to me. I will always remember it as the year that changed my life. I think of what I was doing at this very moment last year & there isn't much of a difference if you're a mere spectator. I am the only one to see the mammoth difference in my person. It's partly because there's like no one from last year (or years before) that I am still in touch with. I either deserted my 'friends' from years before 2008 or they did me the favour. Thing is, I don't see why I should care because it's probably the nicest thing to have ever happened to me.
I spent most of my life depending on people. I spent most of my life hating myself for the fact. I spent most of my life letting people induce emotions into my being that were almost noxious. I let them choose the life I led, the way I felt. I let them do it, till this beautiful year shone on me.
When I dropped out of college last year, I had no fucking clue about why I was doing it. I would be lying if I said I wanted to BMM so bad that I dropped a year. That's just part of the reason. I think I started to get fed up, I can't be sure. It's all such a blur but it's the best thing I have ever done. I had thought that six months that would follow would be hell. I was so wrong.
2008 started with severing almost every tie that tied me down. It showed me how much family means. I never imagined I would be the one to say this, but there's no one else a person can afford to rely on other than the people I had so easily replaced with a whole bunch of 'friends'.. I had never, ever been more comfortable with solitude. I who couldn't spend a frickin' minute without my cellphone, chucked the damn thing for a whole six months. You probably have no idea how that feels, but it's bloody liberating.
And of course, 2008 is when I discovered Rand. I can't believe I read The Fountainhead in 2007 and felt nothing. I can't fucking believe it. That book saved my life. It made every aspect of being so clear, so crystal clear.. I'd never forget it.
2008 is the year I got to pursue my love of writing. It's the year I started with BMM and loved college since the day I set my eyes on it. Would you believe that I got into the same course & college in 2007 and felt nothing? I felt it this time, and I won't trade that feeling of knowing what I am doing for anything in the world.
2008 is the year that I learnt I didn't need to love, to love. I didn't need to jump from relationship to relationship because I was afraid to be alone. It's the year when I learnt that the only thing I need to love is the fact that I am doing what I want and that there's so much much much more to do, I can't wait to do it :)
2008 is the year I read Atlas Shrugged. It's when the clear skies were garnished with a beautiful breeze. It's when I started to realise every little difference in my person. It's when I knew I would rather die than live any other way.
This is why I don't see how some ostentatious party would have made it mean more. It's the fact that I lived each day the way I did that makes 2008 stand for what it is.
I have been babbling a little too much. I couldn't help it though. 2008 means much more than any year I have lived. I will never forget that. But you know what? 2009 is going to top this one :) And I can't wait..
Have a Happy New Year! ^-^
Continue reading...
But that's beside the point. I wanted to blog about what 2008 means to me. I will always remember it as the year that changed my life. I think of what I was doing at this very moment last year & there isn't much of a difference if you're a mere spectator. I am the only one to see the mammoth difference in my person. It's partly because there's like no one from last year (or years before) that I am still in touch with. I either deserted my 'friends' from years before 2008 or they did me the favour. Thing is, I don't see why I should care because it's probably the nicest thing to have ever happened to me.
I spent most of my life depending on people. I spent most of my life hating myself for the fact. I spent most of my life letting people induce emotions into my being that were almost noxious. I let them choose the life I led, the way I felt. I let them do it, till this beautiful year shone on me.
When I dropped out of college last year, I had no fucking clue about why I was doing it. I would be lying if I said I wanted to BMM so bad that I dropped a year. That's just part of the reason. I think I started to get fed up, I can't be sure. It's all such a blur but it's the best thing I have ever done. I had thought that six months that would follow would be hell. I was so wrong.
2008 started with severing almost every tie that tied me down. It showed me how much family means. I never imagined I would be the one to say this, but there's no one else a person can afford to rely on other than the people I had so easily replaced with a whole bunch of 'friends'.. I had never, ever been more comfortable with solitude. I who couldn't spend a frickin' minute without my cellphone, chucked the damn thing for a whole six months. You probably have no idea how that feels, but it's bloody liberating.
And of course, 2008 is when I discovered Rand. I can't believe I read The Fountainhead in 2007 and felt nothing. I can't fucking believe it. That book saved my life. It made every aspect of being so clear, so crystal clear.. I'd never forget it.
2008 is the year I got to pursue my love of writing. It's the year I started with BMM and loved college since the day I set my eyes on it. Would you believe that I got into the same course & college in 2007 and felt nothing? I felt it this time, and I won't trade that feeling of knowing what I am doing for anything in the world.
2008 is the year that I learnt I didn't need to love, to love. I didn't need to jump from relationship to relationship because I was afraid to be alone. It's the year when I learnt that the only thing I need to love is the fact that I am doing what I want and that there's so much much much more to do, I can't wait to do it :)
2008 is the year I read Atlas Shrugged. It's when the clear skies were garnished with a beautiful breeze. It's when I started to realise every little difference in my person. It's when I knew I would rather die than live any other way.
This is why I don't see how some ostentatious party would have made it mean more. It's the fact that I lived each day the way I did that makes 2008 stand for what it is.
I have been babbling a little too much. I couldn't help it though. 2008 means much more than any year I have lived. I will never forget that. But you know what? 2009 is going to top this one :) And I can't wait..
Have a Happy New Year! ^-^
