It's easy if you let it be.

I am quoting him, because this was very nice of him to say and I should not forget to remember it...

An alcoholic doesn't overcome his alcoholism if he looks at any bar and walks in the opposite direction. He wins when he looks at a bar, walks right in, sits next to the guy with the single malt whiskey and buys himself a Lemon Cola.

I can't be afraid every time I get close to something I want. I shouldn't worry so much. I should just let myself be and believe (and know) that I can take care of myself... because I will :)

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A little black, dipped in red.

I have always disliked the fact that I never got a chance to blog about my first two tattoos. I would have liked to do it very much, but hey! - I got my third one today and I get to fricking write about it!

I have wanted a quill ever since I have wanted a third tattoo. I couldn't find the right place to get it. I wanted it on my leg because it completes my weird sense of symmetry (given my other two tattoos - on the shoulder blade and abdomen). But then I came across this beautiful picture of a quill, on the inside of a finger... It was love at first sight (no matter how cheesy that sounds)! I knew I will get it, but it kept evading me. I got it today, because. This was my best 'getting tattooed' process ever. It was peaceful, serene. I did panic when the machine switched on and made that creepy noise of a drill machine (it's terrifying, believe me!)... but once it started... :)

And it's a QUILL for crying out loud! It's a part of me, it's what I do, it means so much that there aren't words (however ironic that might sound). I love the placement so much - it's where I'd hold the quill, my pen... mightier than the sword. And it's on my left hand (because I am 100% lefty) and it's on my ring finger (it's the one that is directly connected to your heart).

My artist, Fred, is bloody fantastic. He's originally from Goa. He made feel so comfortable, and we got to innovate several aspects of the tattoo - because he said you ought not to copy and paste without thinking about it; you should add YOU to it (suck it, butterflies!). That's what led to the red tinge, it was missing in the picture :) Red and black - my absolute favourites. After we were done, he said "Now you have got your quill, go and write about it!" Need I say more? :)

This is what the skeleton looks like. I can't seem to click a new picture because the intricacies won't show. It looks a lot more red now (there wasn't any blood) and it still needs a little bit of touching up which will be done in a few days :)

And her, I am so glad she happened to me. I feel so darn lucky. Friends are love.

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Giffy

I feel awesome :)
I feel inspired, I feel like I can believe.
I learnt something today - you should give people a chance, they will surprise you.

I spent four hours with a total stranger today and it was incredible.
It was therapeutic, cathartic.
In fact, it feels weird to call her a stranger at all - but that's probably what made it work.

I am smiling a happy smile now.
And it only gets better from here on.
She convinced me to stop thinking and get that tattoo. I am getting it tomorrow.

Have you ever felt that absolutely unexplainable connection with someone?
Instantaneous and brilliant.

I realised today that I have a 'happy walk' :)

I love friends, especially those that feel like soul mates from the very start.
Today makes me believe there is magic in the world.
The 'awful' got over in a giffy, I am beaming...
And there's only happiness to look forward to ♥

I am back! and boy, am I glad!
P.S. I smoked my first beedi today =)

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And not just because it's sunny!

Today was a great day :D
Well, technically I should say yesterday but I haven't slept yet so it still counts as today.

I went to college trying to do my bit for the whole pseudo team spirit thing. BIG MISTAKE.
I think the Fashion Show could have been a bomb if they let Karishma and me handle it.
But guess not x_x There's too much of politics in class that isn't even worth mentioning here. *vomit* I met my people! today :D
Henna, Himani, Nihit, Zeba ♥
Yummy food :O I was so pissed off with college crap - I just need to indulge in some gluttony a.k.a chicken :)
And there was W after that (whoa!)
Himmo and I were whacked pretty easily (again!)
(Nihit, I judge you for liking green apple!)

Who gets drunk on the beach?
*looks the other way*

MoD after was like icing on the cake ..er.. doughnut!

Five hours just flew by :)

And Henna and I are having a sleepover now ^_^
Talking, talking and some more talking about life, people, writing, books, movies, journalism, college and more.

I think Henna has slept while I am writing this blog post.
I #win!
The sleeper has become the sleepee.
Ok, that doesn't make any sense o_O'

Why do I digress so much?

The point of this post was to say that - I love you guys!!!
*tries to squeeze everyone into a hug*

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This shouldn't hurt any more...

I have hated her for the longest time now. We haven't spoken in almost two years now. I can't even stand to listen to people mention her.

After my friendship with N was over - I promised to myself that I would never trust any one easily. She is the other half of my reason for trust issues. The first half being A.

I have hated her so much, that I haven't even said a thing about her on my blog. I can't stand to talk about her. But today (and I am not sure why), I was reminded of her because I thought of March 2007. XII standard board exams.

She was there for me.

Even after everything she said about me, to me and behind my back. She was still there for me that day, when I was at my worst. I get goosebumps by as much as thinking of that day. It was the WORST. Not so much because of the incident but because of how I felt. She was the best friend in the whole world on that day even if she wasn't on the days before and after that.

And today I have decided, I will always remember her for that and stop hating, and just forget.

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Delusions and implications.

I am afraid. Maybe I will never know when the right time will be and if everything will be fine then. I feel dishonest for not being able to openly express my person. I feel stupid for worrying about a nebulous herd judging me. I feel fake for playing along with the character I have been assigned by those who don't know me, at all.

What do I say and how when I don't even know what I am feeling, on my own. Does it even need to be said? It needs to be consistently felt first. I am here today, gone tomorrow. Why can't I just allow myself to be one thing, and why can't I just KNOW already. Or do I know but let fear distract me with the illusion of confusion?

I wish it was so easy, I hate contradictions. Hugh Akston would have said, 'Check your premises.' I did, and it seems real. Scratch that. Reality doesn't seem, reality is.

Am I arriving at a conclusion?

It's evident, isn't it? This is, what it is. I am. Nothing is going to change what has happened or how I have really felt in the last two months. I feel like I have been edging closer everyday to what could be. But if I don't feel like telling the whole world, does it that make me a liar?

Then why do I feel like one?

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Last Read

I finished reading Anthem. It's quite short and it was beautiful. I am almost done with all of Rand's fiction. Next on the list: Night of January the 16th. I am also going back to reading Crime and Punishment, hopefully. Ten more days of vacations still left ^_^

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